Wednesday 30 December 2009

The Total Complete Mega Awesome Incredible Fallout 3 Soundtrack!

Behold! I have scoured the netz to find the complete Fallout 3 soundtrack, and after much toil I have completed my task. Links you may find on warez-bb and the like do not give the full deal so I have created it myself. These include:

GNR Tracks

Explore Tracks (using names made up by www.youtube.com/CabooseBE)

Battle Tracks

Enclave Radio Tracks

Vault 101 Radio Tracks

Tranquillity Lane

Death, Level Up and Exit the Vault

Dear Hearts and Gentle People


In total it is 2.1 hours and is 161.07mb in total. You have to have a program like WinRAR.

Enjoy!

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ERY0X2BC

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=A95BX1M2

Would also like to say.













A big RIP to Avenged Sevenfold's drummer Jimmy 'The Rev' who died yesterday. He was really incredible. I might be listening to them all today.

Tuesday 29 December 2009

Back, with thunderous/non-existent applause











Here, internet, have a Christmas present from me. A picture of myself in the Centre of Operations in the 70 year old chair pulling a weird expression whilst being almost physically blown away by Half-Life 2. Which I should have played years ago.

So IGN, MY LIFEBLOOD, decided to take a Christmas break, so I did too from all forms of bloggin', and even if I did want to write any material I was seeing relatives and other stuff so couldn't. During the festive season of love and giving I was using the Gravity Gun to slice zombies in half with buzzsaw blades in Half Life 2 and getting back into Bad Company (with a vengeance I must say), having given back Brutal Legend as a result of it being unbearably bad. I do have a rental copy of Modern Warfare 2 on the way, which I'm dreading cos I know it'll be as bad as CoD4, but feel the need to play and review it so as to have an unbiased opinion on the bastard of a game.

In relatively unexciting news, I have played demos for Army of Two Two/Tutu (or for all you boring people, Army of Two: the 40th Day) and it's not looking two (get it?) bad at all. Brilliantly based on co-op to the point where you are really experiencing half the game's potential by playing it alone - like Left 4 Dead - as it should be, and absolutely brilliant weapon customisation. The first Army of Two was... pretty good but this one looks like it's heading for a strong 8/10 kinda game. In an even more optimistic look for one of 2010's games, I played the Dante's Inferno demo too and it's a lot of fun. Considering this didn't even include any bosses (apart from Death, which is pretty brief) and wasn't even in hell, it was awesome. This game has a lot of potential and definitely one to look out for in the new year. Put it this way, I hate the genre, love what I've played.

I hope you enjoyed the celebration of Jesus' birth, the event which caused Fred Phelps, the Crusades and Jehovah's Witnesses tracking mud on the carpet of your hallways. I did spend an early morning church service constantly shoving awake a drunk and jetlagged sister every ten seconds...

Wednesday 23 December 2009

Giving up the Ghoul













I've had some great times with this fella. 'Gob get me a drink' *takes Stimpaks* 'So... how does Moriarty treat ya Gob?'. Fantastic convos.

So yeah, if there are any absolute freaks out there that NOTICED I haven't posted anything in ages, let alone what I was meant to post... thanks. I'm genuinely honoured. In my defence before you pitchfork me with your unkind words of mild impatience, I have had to say a long goodbye to an old friend. I'd decided it was finally time to let go of the masterpiece that is Fallout 3 by playing it through for the 5th time to level 30, finishing off the 300 hours of incredibly immersing gaming I have spent on it so I have no need to pick it up again and play it to the point it's not fun. 

So I did, I played it from start to finish (and by finish I mean including Broken Steel, the normal ending was dreadful) not including any other expansions because I couldn't bear how adequate they are, for my first time as a Sneak-based character. However, being irresponsible ol' me, I was playing for roughly 10 hours a day, usually non-stop. And being weak ol' me, this often drove me to insanity or depression at the end of each bout of gameplay. I barely ate, I was pissed off with most people, I had headaches and began contemplating how much Exp I would gain from killing my family, or if my cat's meat would be irradiated. One day I felt so bad after a 12 hour session I had to buy a Fallout lunchbox on eBay to make myself feel better. I know I'll feel a lot worse when it arrives and I realise what I shelled out £13 on.

But it's still been great playing the mighty Fallout. I ended it in the way I really wanted to; blowing up a Deathclaw with a Fat Man, giving me just enough Exp to get me to a level 30. I'd like to issue a thanks to Ryan for making me get it in the first place and teaching me that VATS and Fast Travel ACTUALLY EXIST, Jerry for having exactly the same opinions as me on everything inside the game, Ian for being awful at it so I can look down on him, and Omid for being someone I can teach about it and feel like a pro. 

Obsidian, if you make New Vegas as addictive as FO3, I will actually be annoyed. 

Saturday 19 December 2009

Upcoming Reviews 19/12/2009

Ok a few days ago I got a LOVEFiLM subscription for games, so I will be renting, playing and reviewing a lot more form here on out. 

At the moment, I'm playing Tim Schafer's Brutal Legend. I'm not gonna lie, it's a big disappointment. I was kinda hoping it would be ultra-ridiculous, like Metalocalypse, slightly taking the piss out of metal, but really it degenerates into constantly driving round quite a plain game world and bashing A and X. The fact that Jack Black really fancies himself a Metal God doesn't help. Boss fights aren't bad though, and a good soundtrack.

Left 4 Dead's been played a lot and a review of that is coming, probably tonight or tomorrow.

After that I'll probably start reviewing the Orange Box, but as separate games instead of one. Portal and Team Fortress 2 can be reviewed, but I have yet to finish the Half-Life 2 games.

And yes Rob, if you're reading this, I WILL do a review of Nazi Zombies for iPod Touch. It won't be long, but I'll do it soon, ok?

Once I've done the above lot, I'll be reviewing ODST, Arkham Asylum and Dead Rising in some order or another. 

EDIT 3/1/2010: The above statement is a lie. Arkham Asylum isn't going to be reviewed, probably ever. Dead Rising and ODST are pretty far in the future.


Reviews: http://failboatskippersgamereviews.blogspot.com/

Wednesday 16 December 2009

Fallout New Vegas: Hopes and Dreads














So while Bethesda hack away at Elder Scrolls V despite them denying working on it, or an Elder Scrolls MMO, or the existence of themselves and their families, Obsidian are hopefully by now stuck into Fallout: New Vegas. Seeing as Fallout 3 is definitely top of my list of this generation's games, New Vegas is both my most anticipated and most dreaded game. Sure I want a follow up to the game I've spent 250 hours enjoying, but putting faith in a completely different developing company, especially one which hasn't got a great reputation for sequels, isn't easy. 

Things I hope are added/improved:

  • Animations. It didn't hinder the game much, but it was sometimes hard to take a guy seriously when he's virtually moonwalking around. Some good running animations would be a good addition.
  • Technical problems solved. I understand it isn't easy with a huge map and generally a big game to worry about the little things, but things like radroaches being stuck in walls, and radscorpions, dogs and mole rats disappearing into the floor got irritating at times.
  • A few cutscenes? The ones at the beginning and end of Fallout 3 were brilliantly artistic and grim, it would be good to have these at the significant storyline twists.
  • Try to make the game a little darker. I liked the humour as it did add a good touch, but there are perhaps a few too many light-hearted characters, unlike the old Fallouts in which everyone was pissed off. Two ends of the extreme here, so maybe something in between?
  • Seediness in Vegas. This might make me seem like an average teenager wanted a cheap boob shot, but let's face it, we were ALL disappointed in Nova. 'You can rent a room, and sleep in it. When you wake up, she's there.' Oh great. Vegas is Sin City, so jack it up a little, give us something to keep our minds off the apocalypse.
  • Don't take away the Hunting Rifle. Obsidian might think of it as just another weapon, but that thing WAS Fallout in my opinion.
  • Have another Dogmeat! There was one in FO2...
  • Have a lot more voice actors. There were about 20 in Fallout 3 for about 150 different NPCs. Every old man sounded the same. So despite being able to get Liam Neeson to voice Dad they could only get another 19? Let's have a lot more.
  • Keep some Wasteland. Vegas will be an interesting city, but there's gotta be some more open ground to explore. Have 2/3 of the map as Wasteland, like Fallout 3.
  • Don't have as many useless weapons. Lead Pipe, Police Baton, Baseball Bat, there were loads like that, but there was no use for them past Level 4.

Obsidian, just don't get cocky. Bethesda knew how to do it, don't try to be better.

Turning to the dark side... sort of.













Ok, the first iconic moments of the Console War are over, with many dead but more wounded forever, cursed to mutter about their regrettable purchase or continually hate upon the other console for all eternity until they descend into inevitable insanity and nightmares of Xboxes shitting ethernet cables on copies of Metal Gear Solid 4, or Master Chief being blown up on Little Big Planet levels. Minor skirmishes still continue on the vast plains of Youtube, but are usually quickly neutralized by the all-powerful video poster who swoops in and says 'OMG GUYZ TAKE YOUR NERDY ARGUMENT ELSEWHERE'. So I think it at this time, where we all emerge from our Microsoft-endorsed bomb shelters, that we start admitting stuff we were previously unable to say without being spammed into implosion.

I've been playing on my Xbox 360, with Live, for a year and a half, and it's been incredible. Gaming really turned around for me, cos with the PS1 and PS2 days it was just occasional thing, but now it's more of a hobby, something I look forward to, something I think about a lot, something I can write about. So I'm very thankful, and I still love it. But I also want a PS3.

I wouldn't trade Xbox Live for the world, and I still think the controllers are the best around as I don't think much of having them the size of a baby's fist so I have to play with my fingertips, but let's face it, the PS3 does what the Xbox doesn't. If you're not hugely into online, you can still get it for free. This isn't what I'd buy it for, but I'll credit it for that use. If you're really into the hi-def movies or brilliant graphics, then this is also the console you want. I don't want those either, but many will. What I want is the exclusives. The Xbox ones are far from inadequate, Gears of War, Left 4 Dead, Mass Effect, Forza, Alan Wake and Halo still has its moments but the PS3s are just as good. MGS4, which is pretty much THE game of this generation along with Fallout 3 and GTA IV, Little Big Planet for the kid in you, Killzone for the kind of multiplayer Call of Duty could have been but failed to be, the amazing God of War series... must I go on? It's also going to have Alan Wake biggest rival game, Heavy Rain, which I am painfully interested in for its completely original take on gaming, making a much more in-depth storytelling experience and not relying on the same old GUNZ GUNZ MULTIPLAEYIR GRENAYDEZ HEDSH0T to make something entertaining. 

I could play all those for hours. Not at the expense of my Xbox Live and its games, but DAMN I so want one as well. Not to mention an HD TV. And some decent speakers. And a decent chair. I need some money.

Embarrassing Evangelism Strikes Back











I'd like to start off by saying that yes, there is a possibility that these were paid guys as part of a publicity stunt as rumours have said, however in America, this sort of thing happens. A lot. Remember Westboro Baptist Church? They also have some videos that might convince you otherwise at www.youtube.com/wearesavedgroup .

Dante's Inferno is looking good. One of the first well-made games to be based on classic writings (I'm sure there were a lot of god-awful Odyssey games on the NES or something) and despite it being written by a Christian from a Christian perspective, we still have the over-confident evangelical Christians in America who seem to think banning a game doesn't contradict something called 'freedom of speech' and 'freedom of expression'. Look, if we're damned to an eternal burning fest because we played a game in which we fought for God against his enemies, then I think we were screwed the moment we dared to breath his air. You're quite right, freaky obsessively-chewing Christian with Parkinsons, in Dante's Inferno he does kill someone with a crucifix. Though of course, not only are they already dead as they are in HELL, surely they also deserve it, because THEY'RE IN HELL. And don't say the crucifix 'isn't a weapon'. What was it originally used for? Look it up.

Nor will I go into their comment of 'this makes people think they can just go into hell and shoot people up', I think I adequately described my feelings of that kind of bullshit in my 'Where to look for the meaning of life...' post. If ya want freedom of speech, prepare to be offended if you're going to take it serioulsy. It's that or boring, mandatory religion and no good games.

Watch the video of their protest here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJgCh_eQ6NI&feature=fvw . Think it's a hoax? You make up your mind.

EDIT: It was revealed a few days after that it was a hoax. Cheeky EA.

Tuesday 15 December 2009

The VGA Awards 2009











Unfortunately, despite this being the main thing I wanted to watch this year as it's about the only event/award show I can bear to watch, we don't have SPIKE in the UK, so I couldn't. I got the results on the site, though, and damn am I pleased.

Hoo-bloody-ray. It appears the gaming experts haven't completely lost their coconuts. Modern Warfare 2, the most overrated game ever to be spoken of, was not awarded Game of the Year for Xbox 360, or PS-Triple, or Overall GOTY. It also didn't win best graphics, and Infinity Ward didn't win Studio of the Year (rightly seeing as there are sooo many Studios who work harder and more efficiently, dare I say it BUNGIE), so I'm definitely happy with that. They DID win Best Shooter and Best Multiplayer, but it really doesn't bother me too much as: Best Shooter basically means yet another generic FPS bent to entertain the mindless kids, and Best Multiplayer didn't have great nominess, except Left 4 Dead 2 which utilises co op, in my opinion the best kind of multiplayer as it forces you to work as a team, not for selfish reasons.

Game of the Year - Xbox 360: Left 4 Dead 2
Game of the Year - PC: Dragon Age: Origins
Game of the Year - PS3: Uncharted 2
Game of the Year - Overall: Uncharted 2

Not much more I can say for those winners apart from congrats. Left 4 Dead 2 is a definite improvement on a fantastic formula - arguably the best co op experience of all time - and I haven't played Uncharted 2 but it looks like a brilliantly original and a great addition to the Adventure genre. Dragon Age: Origins, well done, but I really can say nothing for it as the Fantasy RPG genre doesn't appeal to me one bit.

Looking forward to next year's VGA, I hope to see Bad Company 2 winning Best Multiplayer, Heavy Rain for PS3' GOTY and hooopefully Fallout New Vegas for Xbox 360's, but I can't rely on Obsidian making it amazing. Best RPG FFXIII? Maybe...


Sunday 13 December 2009

The Games of 2010

Ok it turns out 2010 is going to be a monster of a year, and my article on 'a great year to disappoint' had only a fraction of the stuff coming out that I'm at least interested in. Now I'm not great at remembering lists so I'm really using this as a place to jot them all down before I forget.

These are all games I will be buying/renting/looking into, in no particular order.

  1. Mass Effect 2
  2. Just Cause 2
  3. BAD COMPANY 2
  4. Max Payne 3
  5. Red Dead Redemption
  6. Alan Wake
  7. Halo Reach, maybe
  8. FALLOUT NEW VEGAS
  9. Dante's Inferno
  10. Dead Rising 2
  11. Gears of War 3?
  12. Crysis 2
  13. Mafia II
  14. Project Natal
  15. Final Fantasy XIII
  16. I Am Alive
  17. Aliens VS Predator

That's more than one game for every month. Happy gaming/money draining...

Saturday 12 December 2009

It's official: Assassin's Creed II is trying to kill me and take my non-existent kids.
















Anyone who's played the frankly brilliant Assassin's Creed II will know there is definitely one annoying thing. It's not mission repetitiveness, not the lack of ability to swim, not awful cutscenes; they fixed those faults of the first game. It's those bloody feathers. 

Yes, Ubisoft were kind enough to free us of the God-forsaken flag collectibles of Assassin's Creed, but couldn't resist twisted the knife as they took it out of the wound by giving us a different type of collectible: FEATHERS. Ooh, cos like, Assassins and eagles and stuff... yeah, makes sense. Problem is, although these tend to actually exist unlike many of the flags in the first game which just wouldn't be there at all, it's still almost impossible to get all of them. They're a lot smaller and all 100 of them are scattered widely over the whole game. But that isn't my big deal. My big deal is that I have 99 of them.

I'll admit it, I'm an Achievement whore. I have 960g from Assassin's Creed II, leaving the 30g achievement for all 100 feathers, and the 10g for wearing the Auditore Cape WHICH CAN ONLY BE OBTAINED FROM GETTING ALL 100 FEATHERS. I've used maps from the internet to scour beautiful Florenzia and bella Venezia, and all the smaller towns. 99. 1 feather is out there. I've missed it, and I don't know where. On Friday 11th December I was feather hunting for 6 hours. On the 12th, feather hunting for another 4. By the end I was near hallucinating, dreaming of 'if the feather would give us a feast when we found it' and wondering 'what the feather would taste like'. I ate my dinner but all I saw was a pile of feathers were steak and chips should have been. It's one of the most maddening experiences gaming has shat on me. I feel betrayed. 

One day Ubisoft might make collectible hunting at least possible by adding them as dots on the map, and just having more of them or putting them in tough places to keep the challenge. Until then, I'll just drool over Google Image's results on feathers.

Thursday 10 December 2009

The situation with the 'to be played' games. 10/12/2009













Old ass meme from a terrible place, but dammit every time I think of Louis from L4D I just think of P-P-P-P-P-PA PILLZ HERE!

So yeah I had said that list of 7 games would be over the course of 3 months. However it's magically happened a lot faster.

  1. Left 4 Dead - bought, completed, testing multiplayer.
  2. Batman: Arkham Asylum - borrowed, but yet to be played.
  3. The Orange Box - Borrowed, played a bit, but somewhat pushed aside for Left 4 Dead and completing the shit out Assassin's Creed II.
  4. Operation Flashpoint: Dragon Rising - fuck it. I don't care what happens in those last two missions, it's not going to make the game suddenly good. I went ahead and reviewed it.
  5. Mass Effect - getting one way or another very soon, either Christmas or soon after.
  6. Shadow of the Collossus - the only one which isn't going to be gained particularly soon, getting the X360 games done and played first.
  7. Borderlands - when I'm done with most of the above lot, I'll be buying it.

Reviews will be coming in for the top 3 soonish.

Reviews: http://failboatskippersgamereviews.blogspot.com/

Sunday 6 December 2009

At this rate, we'll be lucky to see the Locust finally wiped out by Christmas... 2097.














Whipped this up in a couple of minutes...


Apparently (though a million miles from MY ears) there has been rumours circulating these bunch of wires and 'series of tubes' known as the internet that Gears of War 3 would only be released on the next generation of gaming, the Xbox 720 as the whole idiot population assumes it will be called (yes, DOUBLING 360 makes sense, because doubling the previous number is what ALL consoles do, PS1, PS2, PS4, PS8). My reaction apart from 'damn, that'll be ages away' was really disgust. Next generation? So we can't have more than two in a series in one generation anymore?

I understand the reason for EPIC's President's claim that it would be next-gen would be that it would likely be on the Unreal 4 Engine which is still in development. But has it really come to the point that a) you can't have one part of the dev company working on the engine and the other on the actual product b) technology for games is now so complex we have to wait a lifetime for every sequel. If any of you played the Army Men games on PS1, you might remember they churned out completely original and fun (despite being horrible graphically) games every couple of months. Yes, it is going to be different in this generation, but 2 years should be a maximum. If better graphics and better engines really take that long, the ends aren't justifying the means.

Keep in the mind the next Xbox is going to be bloody miles away. We're talking at least 4 years away. 4 years for a sequel? That is simply a joke. It is turned out that way they'd probably try to keep the fans happy with some spin-off in the meantime, and we all know what spin-offs turn out like... 'Oh you get to play as Anya, pressing buttons and telling the squad where to go. It's a squad-based RTS'. Can you imagine?

I don't care if the storyline turns into a mess, or if the whole squad die by tripping up on their laces, just finish it, EPIC. There's no sense making it this long if Gears 1 came out in 2006, and Gears 2 in late 2008. 

Sunday 29 November 2009

Upcoming Games/Reviews 29/11/2009

A few things I want to/will be playing in the near future. I can't promise review for all of these, but I'll do my best, seeing as I will be borrowing a good few of these so might not get a full analysis so to speak.

  1. Left 4 Dead
  2. Batman: Arkham Asylum
  3. The Orange Box
  4. The last two missions of Operation Flashpoint: Dragon Rising that I can't play on my near-broken version...
  5. Mass Effect
  6. Shadow of the Collossus (for PS2...)
  7. Borderlands

This will be in the course of the coming 3 months.

Reviews: http://failboatskippersgamereviews.blogspot.com/

Wednesday 25 November 2009

It's an Obamanation! Or some other rubbish Obama pun!
















Well I'll be damned, just a couple of days after me complaining about the many many morons in the media including the apparent second form of Jesus, Barawwwck Obamobile (who must be amazing cos he's black, and that's revolutionary and stuff, so he's the best president ever right?), claiming that video games are little hobgoblins in our homes spitting on your cutlery and raping your cheese, the big White House man has decided to cash in on the video game industry to his advantage. Don't spaz out because I insulted Obama. Good on him if he gets our lads out of Iraq, but he's not your 'brotha'.

So as I read off the source of all life, IGN, Obama has decided to use 'educational' games to convert kids from the dark side of such horrors as Viva Pinata and Beautiful Katamari and to play boring games to teach them about maths, science and other stuff they spend 5 days a week learning anyway. It's not good enough that they play games to have fun, and to do something other than school, after all that would mean education hasn't dribbled over every inch of their 'young and free' lives. Inspired by the fantastically creative Little Big Planet, he's hoping these could be a whole new area of gaming and is planning to give thousands of PS3s to libraries over the USA. For a subject he so confidently believes he knows everything about, he sure knows NOTHING.

Point number 1 Mr President, these 'educational' games have been around for longer than I've been alive. Hell, we even had Baptist Christians jumping on the video game bandwagon in the NES era, creating remarkable so-bad-it's-good-but-no-actually-bad games like Bible Buffet. When we had the tough, complex puzzle solving games like Tomb Raider, you think we were just thinking about slaughtering all those innocent tigers and bears? But the ones which were actually based on mathematical problems you had to solve to continue some boring, badly thought up quest, we didn't play them. Why? BECAUSE THEY'RE SHIT. Who cares if we play video games because we want to watch hardcore car porn (Forza 3),  relive World War II or even run over countless civilians? They're games. That's what they're for. And school is what education is for. 

Number 2, you're using PS3s, and in a library. Once the 'thousands' of PS3s has cost you 'millions' of dollars which you could be spending on getting soldiers home to their families, you've put a game console in a library. Game console. Library. Well I suppose you've got kids into one, but they won't be reading, no, they'll be flocking in their hundreds from school to try out your abysmal games/steal the controllers and generally piss about as the librarian passes out from an insane burst of manic 'shh'ing. 

Maybe America was better off being a bitterly Conservative, video game hating country. Maybe Halo 3 is a better thing to bring kids up on. Maybe...

Monday 23 November 2009

For Fallout fans + About upcoming Assassin's Creed II review

Okaaayyy now you may have noticed that the last posts have ALL been 'articles', as in no, that is not how I usually write when simply talking about stuff. They've all got a point, an attempt at humour etc, but the blog was made for a mixture of these and just random thoughts jotted down too.

For any Fallout fans out there, MY BRETHREN, I would damn strongly recommend you see the film A Boy and His Dog, which was the main inspiration for the Fallout series in the first place. It's a 1975 film so expect a definite feel of wackiness but the same themes are all there: companionship in post-apocalyptia, light hearted murder, dog-eat-dog (sometimes literally) and of course like the Wastelanders against the Enclave, the choice between the dangerous yet free anarchy of the wasteland above or the safe but 'be happy or be removed' nature of a mysterious underground civilization called 'Down Under'. Great acting, very immersing, if you loved ANY of the Fallout games it should fit you down to a tee.









My money problem is very, very slowly being solved which had crippled my ability to add new games to my repertoire (I REFUSE to be one of these people who play one game for all eternity), and I will be able to get good old/new Assassin's Creed II, play the hell out of it and get it reviewed. Sure, I would review Flashpoint, BUT IT HASN'T LET ME FINISH THE CAMPAIGN. COS IT'S NOT SAVING ANY DATA. AND I CAN'T FIND ANY MATCHES ON MULTIPLAYER. I'm not going to review a game that I've half-played, I'll feel dirty, however much I want to enlighten everyone on how abysmally flawed it is. 

So yeah, that's all for now. Still playing Bad Company, it still hasn't got old. If you haven't got it, buy it. If you have it and don't like it, shoot yourself.

Reviews: http://failboatskippersgamereviews.blogspot.com/

Wednesday 18 November 2009

Where to look for the meaning of life and the centre of all intrinsic goods... hmm... OH I KNOW, VIDEO GAMES!













Picture pretty much unrelated. I couldn't resist.

My faith in games is pretty strong in places. As much as I don't think they are a fine art, anyone who plays them a lot (or at least as much as I do) and has played a decent range of games, especially more recent ones, should realise there is a huge amount of storyline (COUGH METAL FUCKING GEAR SOLID) cinematics and voice acting talent in the game industry. Look at Fallout's dark satire of human futility and the American dream, or Gears of War's story of love and loss on Dom's part - though you will have to look past his damn poor voice acting; 'Oh Maria, Maria, why didn't EPIC games just sign me up to be some COG grunt who gets shot in the first five minutes?'. In some cases, such as my harshly-coughed Metal Gear series, games can be much deeper and hold many more moral messages than most films can offer. Despite this, and my passion for gaming/games in general, there's a point where I stop and think, 'this is not reality.' And it's not, it's no more reality than a film or book. 

So this brings me to my question of not why intellectual elitists treat games as if they are inferior to all other 'art' forms, but why they think they affect us so deeply. Yes, young adults, teenagers and kids like games. LIKE is the operative word. They're not drugs, we're not addicted, we just find them fun, is that so hard to believe? Yes, some kids play too much, but that's the parents to blame. What do you want to do, blame games for being too much fun?

People like Barawwwk Obama and the rage-of-the-apocalypse-inducing Bill O'Reilly (or as he tells his producer minions to call him, Lucifer) have said on numerous occasions that video games are killing the youth. By this, they're referring to games like GTA where you're given the freedom to pointlessly exact your revenge on innocents, or just violent games in general. So... they think that we're morally influenced by games? That we see Niko Bellic screwing a hooker then running her over and taking her money as... something we should do? Fair enough for thinking kids are idiots, but there are a tiny few who actually see things in games and think 'WOW, THIS IS OBVIOUSLY A GOOD IDEA.' For goodness' sake, pretty much all games even penalise you in some way for actions like this. The opening cutscene isn't Niko getting off a boat, and screaming 'EVERYTHING I WILL DO IN AMERICA IS RIGHTEOUS. YAY ME.' The kids in America who performed drive-bys because of playing too much San Andreas didn't do it because of the game telling them to do it, it's because they're fucking dumbasses. It's that simple.

Naturally there are exceptions where things seem pointlessly harsh like Manhunt, The Punisher and Modern Warfare 2 which I'm literally twitching to not start another argument on. Yeah I don't like them a great deal because taken out of context they give games a terrible name, but hello? They're 18s! As in, if your kid is playing an 18, he's gonna see some nasty stuff. If he/she is too young/stupid to take it, then once again, THE PARENTS' FAULT. It's not as if we have to censor films for disturbing content, unless it reaches Evil Dead standards. Why should games be any different? 

I can't think of an outro paragraph, you'll just have to put up with it.

Monday 16 November 2009

2010: A Great Year To Come, A Great Year to Disappoint














At time of writing it is late 2009, and the whole world is still jumping up and down in excitement like a hyperactive child over the sickeningly overrated Modern Warfare 2, instead of looking forward to the more intelligent and creative games such as Assassin’s Creed II because they don’t have sniper rifles and kill streak rewards. My eye is on Creed II as it seems to have taken into account what was so flawed in the first game (that is, only five mission types in the whole game) and proven Ubisoft actually have the ability to look at game forums and see what people like. However, more expectant am I on the games of 2010. Just Cause 2, Bad Company 2, Fallout: New Vegas and a possibility of Gears of War 3.

This looks like a great year to come, but what’s that thing which affects us Brits more than anyone else? Sod’s law maybe? The more you expect something in anticipation, the old bastard Sod has to swoop in, eat your dreams, spit them out, eat them and again, and vomit them up. That’s what happened with Mercenaries 2, the sequel to my favourite game on PS2, so why not ruin ALL these games that I really want?

What’s more worrying is that almost all said games have a reason they could end up turning rubbish, opening the garden gate for Sod’s Law, letting him through the front door and taking his coat. For starters, Just Cause 2 is next in the series for a game which was horribly disastrous in so many ways despite its potential with a massive map and skydiving mechanic. It was meant to be similar to a cheesy action movie yet turned out to be worse than Vin Diesel’s acting in the way it was played. The sneak-peekers say that it’s improved, but seeing as it’s still meant to be the same type of game, I don’t see why they won’t bugger it up again. I mean it’s Eidos, did you SEE what they did to Tomb Raider?

Fallout: New Vegas isn’t even developed by Bethesda, who were the guys who made Fallout 3 so perfect, because they’re probably making Elder Scrolls V however much they violently deny it. The guys making this one are Obsidian, and apart from KOTORII, they’ve been known for ruining sequels. Oh great. There goes another instalment of my favourite game of this generation. WHY DO THEY PUNISH ME SO.

Gears of War 3 isn’t as likely as Gears of War 2 added a lot of great things, but we know who the lead designer of EPIC games is: cocky ‘hey-I’m-your-best-friend’ twat Cliff Bleszenski who will probably think it would be a great avant-garde idea to kill off Marcus Fenix and have him come back as Uber-Marcus in a Jason X kinda way. Oh and if and when you kill the Queen, she explodes into butterflies and it turns out that Sera was actually Teletubbie land. Oh you’re all so silly for thinking Gears was a serious game!

Bad Company 2 I can’t think of a flaw so easily. I’ve seen the early footage and thankfully they haven’t removed anything and have only added extra destruction, vehicles and weaponry to the mixing-pot, unless you count simplifying the classes to how they were in the older Battlefield games as removing. BF:BC was a great formula for true multiplayer greatness and for the first time since Nightfire it looks like EA may have made something... incredible.

So yeah, there are my thoughts of 2010. If it’s true that things always turn out the opposite than what you expect, we’re in for the best year of gaming in a LONG time. Now let’s hope Activision can bear to stay out of the action and not ruin it.

Sunday 8 November 2009

Infinity Ward: The World's Worst - And Definitely Sickest - Game Developers














Before I start this blog, I need you to know that, as you probably guessed, I am a gamer. I am not ignorant of what is acceptable in games, and I do play mostly violent games. I'm not a conservative middle class mother. I don't think GTA is a bad influence on society and I don't think it should be banned. However, there is SO much wrong with this mission, 'No Russian' from Modern Warfare 2 I can hardly describe. I've watched gory and disturbing films, and yet this was hard to watch to the end.

Through Charlie Brooker's Twitter I saw this had been leaked onto the net, just like most of the game. I had also known already that the second instalment of Infinity Ward's 'FPS for Dummies... In a Modern War Theatre' series gets darker than the first, but I had no idea it went this far, and it doesn't surprise me now that even Brooker himself found it nasty.

Call of Duty for a while now has been attempting to show the 'brutality of war' in their games. Like any sane person, I hated CoD: WaW, but I genuinely though they pulled off the harshness quite well, such as shooting surrendering Japanese soldiers were they stood. This wasn't nice at all, but you realise this is part of the nasty experience and you put it to the back of your mind. These were soldiers, they would kill you if they had the chance. It becomes a somewhat different when they're innocents that you're madly mowing down as if they were trying to blow YOUR head off. This is only comparable, I think, to Splinter Cell: Double Agent, when you have the choice to kill thousands of innocents on a boat to gain the trust of the enemies you're working undercover with. However this isn't shown to your face as you simply push a detonator. Modern Warfare 2's shoving-down-your-throat of a brutal slaughtering in an airport, on the other hand, is downright sick.

For goodness' sake Infinity Ward, do you know who your games appeal to? I'll tell you, you fucking morons, 12 year old kids. CAAWWLL OF DOOOTY is a mindless FPS where you run, aim and shoot. Endlessly. With no depth. So it seems they've had to put it some massive shock factor to keep some actually interesting storyline in the game. Yeah, no agrees with me, so what. I'm happy enough to believe I'm the only sane gamer out there. Because of how simple the game is, it appeals to the younger, idiotic generation of gamers that infest Xbox Live, and so they'll be the ones so eagerly anticipating the second Modern Warfare, and damn it they will play it. And they'll play this mission, where you casually stroll into an airport and empty endless rounds on literally hundreds of screaming, terrified civilians, who you mercilessly finish off when they try to crawl to safety. And they'll probably think it's really cool. Do I sound like an overprotective mother? Yes, I suppose I do; they're actually right this time.

I imagine a criticism I'm going to face is, 'it's only a game'. Yes, thankyou, I can see that. You know what? People like games. People pay attention to games. As such, generally speaking even the most violent of games usually have boundaries which they won't cross. You can shotgun and enemy to bits or shove your boot through its skull, but only because it would do the same to you. And yes, this isn't real, and these people you massacre don't actually have husbands and wives and kids and lifestyles, but this is the most realistic simulation of pure modern sadism I've seen. It disgusts me.

No doubt with the death of a few hundreds civilians, GTA comes to mind. But there is a difference, at least I think. In GTA, you're given the FREEDOM to kill the innocent bystanders, but you face the consequences of having the police after you, and you might even get killed yourself. This, however, TELLS YOU to do so. It's your OBJECTIVE, and there's only one bit where you can get killed by the Counter-Terrorist forces. You might as well be telling these kids, 'THIS IS OK, AS LONG AS YOU'RE A TERRORIST.' Also in GTA, there's a certain comedy factor to the whole game, such as the stupid screams they make, or in the older games how their heads pop like balloons. You play this, and try to see it as a joke.

So this is what gaming has come to. Extreme, shocking violence to those who don't deserve it, shown in the most graphic and realistic way possible, as if it is realising a sick and twisted fantasy of the game's developers. No doubt due to the game's inevitable success, other developers will jump on the bandwagon as well in later years. Fuck you, Infinity Ward, and I hope your overrated piece of over-the-top shit gets banned.

Wanna watch it? Enjoy...


EDIT: I would just like to add that Infinity Ward had the nerve to release this the day before Remembrance Day. If this is their idea of honouring the glorious dead, they should join them.

Friday 6 November 2009

'I don't want fun, I want to POWN THE WURLD AND MAKE THEM SCARED OF ME'




A statement hit me pretty hard lately. It was from someone I've known for quite a while and though he's been into games as long as I have, I wouldn't be afraid to say he's not the kind who can get passionate about games in the same way I can, but really just wants to kick everyone's ass in multiplayer of the abysmal Call of Duty 4. You know the type. Anyway, we were discussing Fallout 3 and how it beats almost everything on the Xbox 360, and he comes in with the self-assured declaration of stupidity, 'what you guys talking about, it's not a good game, it doesn't have multiplayer!'. These days I'm a facepalm veteran but this time I nearly broke my nose. But this fella acts like, talks to and is friends with the average Xbox gamer of today, and I realised, a lot of people are thinking like this. The mentality for a huge amount is, 'it's only good if I can play random people and kick their asses'.

How did this happen so quickly? I know online gaming has been existent and competitive for a while back, but the population of console owners has only just come out the PS2 days for goodness' sake! It's not as if they were playing the Playstation's terrible internet play, and barely any of the kids you'll find on Halo or CoD had Xbox Live on the original Xbox. So how have they so suddenly adapted from good old single player games, or a bit of split screen Nightfire to ONLINE GAMING ONLY, ULTRA-COMPETITIVE. I know I still haven't. I enjoy matchmaking but big fuckin' deal, you're never going to be pro, and if you're not pro then no one cares.

What's worse, is that what is also now available due to powerful systems isn't always fully appreciated nearly enough. People buy Gears of War and Halo and don't think once about using any of what the developers have sweat blood to create. OHHH HEY GUYS I HERD FROM A M8 DER IS SUM GD HORDE MODE ON DIS, GUNNA PLAY JUST THAT 4EVER. No need, of course, to experience Gears of War 2's stunningly varied campaign which takes third person shooters to a new level. SUP GUYS JUST GUNNA PLAY SUM HALO 3... HERD FROM EVER1 ITS GUD SO ILL JUST GO STRAIGHT TO MULTIPLAYER 4EVER. Grand finale to an incredibly complex storyline, the Forge mode making thousands of possiblities for your own maps, custom games also offering endless different ways to play with your friends; hell, even just the soundtrack deserves immense appreciation. Open your eyes, multiplayer is just one part of the game. Get your money's worth...

And of course this is what drove this associate of mine to thinking Fallout 3 was bad. 'No multiplayer, therefore bad'. What? I think you'll find it's an RPG, and RPGS BARELY EVER HAVE MULTIPLAYER UNLESS THEY'RE MMO. So what was basically said is that a whole genre is bad. Because you can't use your l33t sk1llz to do some mad no sc0p3s H34DSH0T5 on some person who won't even be impressed. Fallout 3 has depth, serious depth, a million different storylines from so many different people, life lessons, ironic views expressed on the American Dream and on human futility, yet combining it with excitement, action and humour. NO, IT'S BAD. IT DOESN'T HAVE THE SEARCH AND DESTROY PLAYLIST AND DOUBLE EXP WEEKENDS.

Reading the post before this one followed by this, someone would probably think that I prophesy the end of gaming to be brought about by ignorant kids 'playing to pwn'. Don't get me wrong, I hate the little critters, but I don't think that, and although I think gaming has its problems due mainly to the people playing it, I think it's also got a lot of good stuff to come. However I think it's clear to see that casual gaming, in a lot of cases, is ignorance. Sounds extreme doesn't it? I'm really into this gaming thing.

Tuesday 27 October 2009

I'm sorry, did you not realise I'm doing this because I'm lazy?




Why? Why has gaming come to this? A whole new world of possibilities through your console and TV, and with only the need to move your fingers, yet everyone and every brand decides to jump on the moronic casual gaming motion-sensor bandwagon. Don't picture me as some fat lifeless slob because I hate those people just as much, but damn it I like my gaming because of the brilliantly small amount of physical effort I have to put in.

Gaming consoles started off with tiny controllers and simple games, and people realised this was pretty fun and expanded from there. From side scrolling to huge open worlds; all we need to do is have a little dexterity of the thumbs. And from this dexterity you can get the extremely skilled people, people who can get headshots with shotguns from 20 metres whilst jumping and turning 360 degrees in the air. Do they have to jump around and perform some incredible physical feat to do so? No, and that's the beauty of it. Nonetheless, motion-sensor gaming, in particular the little white box lurking underneath everyone's TV known as the Wii, is still a towering giant in the industry.

Oh hey! I'm like totally playing in the olympics by performing an extremely fast wanking-off action with both hands! And now I'm totally in Mortal Kombat by prancing around and punching air, getting exhausted and looking like a twat/psychotic fighting off an alter ego! Wow this is fun enough to amuse the grandparents for a good half hour, before realising that if I wanted to do some actual gaming I should have bought an Xbox or PS3...

And that's it, it SHOULDN'T be called gaming. That's endlessly swinging your arms around replicating endless things you can easily do in real life anyway, perhaps with the exceptions of Mad World and some sport ones. What's more disheartening is that from the mindblowingly huge business it makes Microsoft can't resist getting in on it too with the upcoming Project Natal, which as much as I believe breaks incredible barriers with voice and facial recognition, voice based commands and full-body-sensor gameplay, is still tinged with too much of a Wii feel and makes you think it's slightly turning away from its audience who are, for the most part, not the kind of moron that thinks the Wii is a real console. I refuse to say that the new Eyetoy is copying the Wii, as it is really a continuation of the Eyetoy for Playstation 2. It also DAMN pissed me off when the Nintendo guy said that he was 'honoured' that other brands were starting to use motion sensor when NINTENDO DIDN'T EVEN DO IT FIRST. Seeing as arcade games and even some very old plug-in-and-play games had thought of 'interact with the screen' type gaming years ago, let alone the Eyetoy, he couldn't be more wrong.

So maybe this is the future of gaming. We can watch all our glorious laziness drain away and be forgotten, only to be replaced by giggling parents and children enthusiastically turning imaginary steering wheels for Mario Kart, and weak old men accidentally flinging their controllers into their TVs whilst playing golf, eventually till everyone realises how little fun it actually is once the novelty factor wears off, resulting in this kind of gaming fades away too, and gaming will be a dead concept altogether. There, I prophesied the end of all games with Nintendo as the culprit. Even if it doesn't turn out in my fanciful way, I'm still putting my money on Nintendo ruining everything somewhere down the line.

Sunday 18 October 2009

'Realism', and how it's not Reality.

















It's undeniable that one of the most attractive things to the gaming community these days is realism. Games such as Grand Theft Auto, Assassin's Creed (above) and Bad Company show this factor being used and they've all done well. This is a fairly recent thing, at least for the last ten years or so as in the days of NES and SNES the idea of a game replicating reality was unheard of. 'But this is how we get away from all that!' everyone said. And now all we want is just to live life again, but in a virtual world were you're allowed to bugger up, and we can make ourselves as stylish and unapologetically over the top without just looking like a twat. However, something that's really got to me recently is that our idea of realism in gaming is simply... wrong.

Ok that last statement sounded a bit 'I'm right and you're wrong'. However, just think about this situation, for example. Is Gears of War realistic? The planet Sera is being devoured by a humanoid, subterranean race called the Locust who use a giant worm to sink human cities and ultimately attempt to wipe them out. Sounds far-fetched, of course, but that isn't unrealistic. This isn't happening on earth, it is fair enough that another race exists underground, and that a giant worm creature exists, there are no scientific rules stopping it happening. It's also perfectly realistic in that a shotgun will blow your enemy to bits at close range; that's what shotguns are for. Realism is NOT: 'If I was to go out into the world now, this would happen'. Realism IS: 'Things work how they should in the context, and do not do the physically impossible'. It would be unrealistic if the giant worm created a black hole by trying to sing Copacobana whilst making a bacon sandwich, and forcing the planet into a state of gravitational hilariousness. YES, HILARIOUSNESS. So this conflicts with, for example, the common view that Halo is unrealistic. Apart from the ridiculous gravity, there is no reason why there shouldn't be armour developed that can take so many bullets, or have grenades that stick to your face.

However this also reveals a huge hole in the supposed realism of our champions of lifelike gameplay, my thoughts mainly upon GTA. GTA perfects a supreme city life simulation which is undoubtedly fantastic, people move and react just how they should and cars crumple from crashes, not just smoke and explode. So how is that Niko Bellic, an ordinary man from Eastern Europe, can take about 20 bullets, only to be healed again by eating a hotdog or screwing a hooker? Perhaps this is one grey area we shouldn't expose. Gaming's no fun if all you do is die, right? Health systems should perhaps keep you as a big bullet absorber, like a cushion made of Kevlar. Call of Duty made this less of a problem with the ability to take only a couple of hits, but then Call of Duty sucks. Yes, I said it, and will explain why in other posts.

And then there is blatant evasion of realism. Assassin's Creed was a good game with an even better concept, but you try sitting on a bench in a crowded street and listening to ever word of a conversation happening 10 metres away. Even better, try out jumping from 200 feet, and landing right in a hay bale, in a wagon only just bigger than you. And you're not allowed to touch the sides of it. Now do it 100 more times, and you have to get it perfect every time. Ridiculous, right? Not at all realistic seeing as it is set during the Crusade, not during the age of the infinitely perfect acrobat ninjas.

Do not mistake me for saying that unrealism is a bad thing. Oh, no, while I like game using realism effectively, the sacrifice of it is often refreshing, and/or necessary. Even when everything, including the health/damage dilemma is sorted in games like Operation Flashpoint, I simply don't think realism should be a case for a game being good, especially when we hardly know what we mean when we say it. Now go play Abe's Odyssey, safe in the knowledge that you're playing a 100% realistic simulation of when the Mudokens will overthrow the Glukkon and Slig rule over Rupture Farms and all of Oddworld.

Friday 16 October 2009

/b/ is for Bungie









Yes, I made this picture on Paint. Not as if anyone else has come up with the idea eh?


By now, we've all got our reasons for hating Bungie. They moved the army of whining 11 year olds from Florida from the online PC gaming community to Xbox Live, and tripled their numbers. They created the most characterless video game hero ever made, turned a fairly serious and cutting storyline into a joke and at E3 shat out that swaggering tit who presented the upcoming news and gameplay footage we'd all seen before for Halo 3: ODST whilst doing his best impression of the archetype, despite being one anyway. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed Halo 3, but after 14,763th time you hear from some moron who's played at most 3 games in his life that Halo is the best game ever, you begin to loathe whoever created this monster.

Now, with the exclusion of some Tibetan monks and perhaps a few Papa New Guinean tribes, everyone has heard of /b/ and 4chan by now right? That place full of bastards which was at one point kinda funny, and then less so, and now really not? Yeah, no doubt by now the mention of a 'epic fail' or a 'shoop da woop' will make you want to tear off your ears with a pair of pliers. So WHY do Bungie feel some dumb fucking need to incorporate it into their already dull humour?

I admit, at the time of writing it is less present, but look back only a couple of months and everything on Bungie.net and all messages from Bungie recieved after a Halo 3 update HAD to include a reference to some dead meme, and not even pulled off well. It was enough to make you think that half of the /b/ community is actually just Bungie techies on their lunch break chucking in another shit photoshopped photo of the Chief and tying 'I THINK HALO IS A PRETTY COOL GUY'. Even stuff they didn't make themselves from Youtube, such as 'Top Ten Epic Fail Sticks' or something like that would constantly be posted on Bungie.net and promoted, each new time changing the last word to 'splatters' or 'headshots' etc. and showing us endless unfunny luck-based kills that are bound to happen every five games due to the physics engine. And with the biggest audience of all, MACHINIMAS. Of course 99% of it is JohnCJG's stuff, mainly Arby n' the Chief. Watch the latest 5 or so episodes and count how many memes are used. I dare you. You'll run out of fingers. I started off thinking 'oh, this must just be satire...'. That belief wore off quickly.

I suppose this was bound to happen from the beginning, I mean Bungie and 4chan have an almost identical fanbase: arrogant prepubescents, often hungry and/or pissed off from their long walk home from school. They just go so conveniently hand-in-hand, and it's just so sweet that I'm going to have to despise them both equally. Aww, now you just go off and die.